Am I defined by my career...or lack of?
Rewind a few years and I was a teacher in a local junior school busy juggling family life, a house and a career that consumed my days and evenings. This balancing act is something that many working parents will identify with as it seems to be the reality of living in this fast paced society. So when I decided to put the brakes on and to take some time for myself and to be with my family it led me down a path I didn't expect to tread.
As a teacher in the community it gave me a sense of purpose within the wider world and a feeling that I was contributing and making a difference, this ceased when I decided to end my career. I must add here that this wasn't a feeling from people around me but a pressure that I put on myself, it unexpectedly impacted on my self-esteem. How much was I letting myself be defined by my career or does society truly weigh your worth by your job? This is something that I've been grappling with during my time away from work and it sparks a lot of debate, and questions- more than I'm able to answer!
When you cross paths with an old friend, former colleague or past acquaintance one of the first questions that is asked is "So what do you do now?" or put more simply " So, how do you pay your bills these days?" We ask it innocently enough but its a very insightful question about what we value and what we see as important, and the reaction can be just as telling. If your life story is one of bucketfuls of money that accompanies your high flying career the reaction can be one of feigned happiness shrouding feelings of jealous and assumptions that all they must care about is their job. However if you explain that you're not working at the moment and in truth you're not really sure what direction you may go, a very different judgement is made; either way you are judged by your income or lack of. Close friends and family will have understood the personal reasons why you have taken these steps and will respect your decision but those on the outside generally do not. But why does the fact that I'm not working define me as less valuable than it did a year ago?
On the flip side of the debate, we can make unfounded judgements about those that run successful businesses, and have decided not to have a family. Society can unfairly deem women that choose to put themselves first and delay/decide against a family as hardened and even unnatural. Is it a women's purpose to reproduce? No, it is not. Is it a woman's prerogative to be happy through whatever life choices they make...yes. Are we defined by our choice to have a family, unfortunately I think we are despite what people may outwardly say.
So if I'm not defined by my job or my choice to have a family then what does? How do I choose to be seen, valued by the outside world? I think a lot of the answer lies in whether I'm happy, if I've made choices in life that have led me here and I'm happy then I must be doing something right. I'm blessed with beautiful family and friends that I love dearly and make me feel loved back and I have a home that I'm proud of, but its more than that. I have skill set that I've worked hard to acquire and develop and I'd like to think that I do small things to help the people or world around me. All these things make me happy, my skills, my interests, talents, but I won't be pigeon holed. What you do and who you are are not mutually exclusive and I've come to the conclusion that we are all changing and developing and who I am and what defines me today wont be the same in ten, fifteen years time so I'm not going to worry and just continue to do what make me and those important to me happy- because really that's the key.
The Curious Fox